When I review movies, I like to think; “was there anything bad here? How does it compare to the good?” When I got out of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, I thought to myself; “was there anything good here?” I haven’t rolled my eyes throughout a movie this much in a long time. How can you make it this boring? How can you make your characters so dumb, and their logic so flawed? I don’t understand how anyone -- like my superhero obsessed younger brother -- could watch this and say, “I loved it!” There’s so much wrong here.
Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice is about Batman fearing that the actions of Superman are horrendous, with Superman causing a 9/11-like attack on his city. Batman takes on the Man of Steel, while the world wrestles with what kind of a hero it really needs.
So I guess I’ll start with what I liked. Ben Affleck was good as Batman. Wonder Woman was great whenever she was on screen, and she had a cool theme song. Jeremy Irons was awesome, and I’m just glad he’s Alfred. I didn’t mind the title sequence; if you’re gonna force the death of Bruce Wayne’s parents, at least it was over the opening credits and you made it look cool.
Superman was not very likeable and his motivations for hating Batman were not very clear in the film. There was an uneven pace throughout the movie. There were stupid dream sequences with Batman, nightmares which I won’t give away, that felt forced and unnecessary. They had to force set up for an eventual Justice League movie, and it made no sense story-wise. Zack Snyder, director of Man of Steel and 300, is a mediocre director; when he goes stylish, it doesn’t even feel like it applies to the story, and when he’s not being stylish, he doesn’t do anything else interesting. Most of his direction is just simple close up to close up, shot/reverse shot, etc.
Those are my non-spoiler issues. Now I’m gonna spoil some stuff, so read this part once you’ve seen the movie. Pretty much all of these issues are issues of characters being stupid.
Batman’s whole motivation for wanting to kill Superman is that he destroyed the city, his wife, and a ton of his employees. More just for causing 9/11 in Man of Steel. So when Doomsday is out in an unoccupied forest area, what does he do? He brings him into the city. I understand you need to get the Kryptonite, but maybe get someone else to do it? You got Alfred on the line; make him call someone. If you magically get Wonder Woman’s e-mail address to tell her about the future Justice League members, can’t you magically get her phone number? “Hey, Wonder Woman, I need some Kryptonite, here’s the exact location of the spear, look for it, then come to where I am and stab Doomsday.” Even when Wonder Woman, Batman, and Superman are all together (with the Deus Ex Machina by Wonder Woman so Batman doesn’t die) they figure Superman should go get the Kryptonite. The guy who is weak against it. I get it, he’s the fastest, but Batman looked pretty fit with all that bench pressing he was doing earlier, make him run, or make him use the grappling hook. Then, when Superman dies because he had to get the Kryptonite, there’s some cheesy choir singing when he’s “dead.” Then we spend 10-15 minutes wrapping it up, everyone crying because Superman is “dead,” and then? The dirt levitates? So he’s not dead? So that 10-15 minutes was wasted? I mean, it’s not like it is telling me anything I can’t infer with my brain. Lois Lane is sad that her boyfriend is “dead?” Really? A mom is sad because her son “died?” Really? It was obvious that he was gonna come back; can’t you let your audience maybe think he’s dead for a year or so? If you’re gonna make a ballsy move, at least follow through with it.
Finally, the Batman vs Superman fight. I mean, why didn’t you use the Kryptonite right away, Batman? It’s his weakness! Just try punching him, that’ll most definitely work. (Psst; it won’t.) And then, you got him right in your hands; about to drive a spear into Henry Cavill’s beautiful face. Then he whispers something like, “they’ve got Martha!” Hmm, they have someone named Martha? Not my mom, since, you know, she died. Then Lois comes around and explains that Martha’s his mom, cause she TOTALLY heard Superman whisper that. But man, Superman has somebody he wants to save named Martha. How relatable, I guess I’ll be your friend. There’s not even tension for the rest of the movie; we have moms with the same name, let’s be best friends. WHAT? Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders mothers have the same name (Dorothy), I guess that means they get along perfectly. (No they don’t.)
Batman vs. Superman is a mess. It doesn’t make sense most of the time, it has forced in plot points just to set up the Justice League, and I don’t like Superman. It was sad watching this movie. It’s one of the worst movies I have seen in a long time. People are excusing it, probably because they like superheroes, but it’s terribly flawed. I’m not a comic book fan; my brother is, and he liked it more than me. Do you have to be a comic book fan to like it? My uncle is, and he hated it. So what’s going on? All I know is that I kept rolling my eyes, and I’m getting angry just thinking about how stupid the majority of this movie is. If you haven’t seen it, you really don’t need to.